Fanny

My name is Fanny. 

I have always had a hard time saying no. 
Because I want people 
to like me. 

Last summer, I met Mattias. 
He wanted us to be together. 

I didn’t want that. 

But I couldn’t say no. 
So we got together anyway. 

At first he was nice and sweet. 

But he changed 
when we started having sex.

I didn’t want to have sex with Mattias. 

But it felt like 
I had promised him sex. 
Just because we were together. 

So we had sex anyway. 

Sometimes I tried to show 
with my body 
that I didn’t want to. 

But he didn’t care.

A few times, I said no. 
Then he got mad and forced me 
to have sex anyway. 

That was how the entire summer went. 

I wanted to tell my friends 
about what Mattias was doing. 

I wanted to say 
that I was unhappy. 

But it was hard 
to find the words. 

One night I saw a TV show 
about bad relationships 
and sexual violence. 

I watched the show 
a few times. 

It felt familiar to me.

I decided 
to break up with Mattias. 

After a while, I was able to tell 
my friends 
about what Mattias had done to me. 

When I told them 
I felt a little better. 

My friends supported me. 

Now I feel able to say no 
when something feels bad. 

It is hard, 
but I am practicing.